1- Chicago. Only team left by process of elimination. Plus, it’ll help you get a good coach and keep the fans interested.
2- Miami. Tanking at the end of the season? No Rose for you.
3- Minnesota. As a result for trading KG… haha, you miss out on the top 2. Plus, the Northwest got the top 2 last year.
4- Seattle. The team might be moving anyways. Not like the fans care.
5- Memphis. Trading Gasol for pre-chewed chewing gum? No top pick for you.
6- New York. Um… Isiah is still with the team. What? Plus, if D’Antoni was hoping for a top pick… he loses. Time for a new agent.
7- Los Angeles. You’d just waste it anyways. Who’s the next Kandi-man?
8- Milwaukee. If only you played in Chicago.
9- Charlotte. No UNC guy to go top 2, so they don’t need the pick.
10- New Jersey. ‘Melo for a top pick? Don’t count your chickens before you have them.
11- Indiana. Maybe next year. We can’t have the Central division teams moving up exclusively.
12- Sacramento. The West is too good. Can’t keep helping the West out. Sorry.
13- Portland. You won it last year. Don’t get greedy.
14- Golden State. What would you do with rookies? We don’t want the top pick in the NBDL next year.