D-League Innovations: The Un-All-Stars

From the FanPosts - Promoted by Scott 

D-league Fan Nation, I’ve got some radical ideas for this league, but I’m worried about blowing your minds.  So let me ease you into this with a metaphor.  Please keep reading.

If the NBA and its affiliates were a school system, the big league NBA teams would be the public schools and the Developmental league would be the charter schools.  The Clippers would be the supremely bad school on the wrong side of town that some good kids got districted into and are desperately trying to transfer out of before they get hooked on pills and their grades drop.  Sorry that was tangential.

In case you’re not familiar, charter schools are small, publically funded schools that thrive on innovative and creative teaching strategies.  See how that’s similar to the D-league?  I’m guessing Quin Snyder would be everyone’s favorite quaffed yet intense English teacher in this scenario.

So if the D-league is a place for experimentation and innovation (note: see the D-league playoffs), then it would be the perfect place for what I like to call the D-League Un-All-Stars!

The premise of the D-League Un-All-Stars centers on the idea that certain players are bad enough/unintentionally comical enough to require their own special recognition by the league.  In order for a player to be named to the Un-All-Stars, that player must posses at least one of these three qualities:

1. Player puts up bad/inefficient numbers or plays in an unwatchable style – example Player 1 shoots 20% from 3 point line, but continues to shoot threes like they are going out of style.

2. Player has notable off court issues – example Player 2 gets caught running around naked in his ex-girlfriends apartment complex.  (Stipulation: Must not be involved in serious incident that involved jail time or serious harm to another person, see: Michael Vick).

3. Player has a certain unintentional comedic quality, a je ne sais quoi? – example Player 3 has.....awww screw it.  Sun Yue.  Period.  He is the scale.

So May I present to you.... The First Annual D-League Un-All-Stars!

Sun Yue - He is unquestionably first.  The man exudes raw abilities and athleticism, but he also is the over-hype of the century.  Hilarious facts: He is left-handed, 6'9", 47" vertical, hot chinese model/girlfriend, and an enormous amount of unearned press.  I know David Stern loves him some Chinese jersey sales, but c'mon!


          Ladies and Gentlemen, The King of the Un-All-Stars

JamesOn Curry - He's a solid player, has a lot of talent.....and he's a notable knucklehead.  Being a North Carolina native, I can tell you how surprised I was with JamesOn's High School antics.  When that Alamance County drug sting went down and JamesOn was found in possession of his body weight in Mary Jane, I knew he would have a bright future.  I just didn't know it included the most beautiful Afro I've ever laid eyes on or public urination.

Nate Jawai - A lot has recently been made of Big Nate's distaste for the D-League, including his workout facilities.  Nate has had trouble dominating the D-league.  This season he's basically been an inconsistent 12/6 guy, in the D-League....right, that's not the regular NBA, those would be fine numbers there.  Fellow commenter Rumble had some wonderful advice for Nate, which he shared eloquently.   Jawai also thinks his teammates are big meanies.


                Big Nate Dominating the Snackbar

 Jasper Johnson - Once again, not a bad player.  He has some skill, averages 17 and 8 this year.  But at 6'7" and 800 pounds, he is a bit on the slow side.  Admittedly I don't like to watch him play, even if he is solid (as Quin Snyder's shellacked head).  To me there seems to be that magical Sun Yue (I told you he was the scale) quality to this guy.  His shoots 3-pointers and he weighs 300 pounds.  And his name makes him sound like he should be drinking moonshine and telling you stories about the Old South.


                                             The Man, the Myth, Jasper Johnson

Earl Barron - He played for the Miami Heat last year.  This year he's been coming off the bench for the D-fenders.  He shoots 62% from the FT line, and racks up an unglorious 9.6 points and 6.7 boards a game.  Aren't ex-NBA centers supposed to dominate?  Ouch.  Sorry Earl.

That completes the list.  There are other honorable candidates, but these seemed best fit for the inaugrual Un-All-Stars team.  I don't think they would ever actually play on a court together, rather probably just show up at the D-League All-Star weekend and have a charity hot dog eating contest.  (Edit: Jasper Johnson already got started on this alone in his hotel room, declared preemptive winner).  I hope that this Fanpost makes sense enough for Commish Reed to get on it for next year's festivities!  Thoughts or additions anyone?

This is a FanPost, not the work of the author of Ridiculous Upside. The People speak! Questions or comments about this post should be addressed in the comments. To issue a complaint about this FanPost, please email ridiculousupside (at) gmail (dot) com.

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