Ridiculous Beardside

While kicking back and enjoying the wonders of the D-League Showcase, I noticed this tweet from our fearless leader, which got me wondering.

Scott Schroeder
Best beard at the D-League Showcase? Easily Drew Naymick's orange lumberjack beard.

12 Jan via Twitter for Android


Now that the Showcase is, sadly over, it's time for me to put this assertion to the test. Who has the best facial hair in the D-League*? Here are your contestants (full profiles after the jump).

*Besides Drew Naymick. I can't find any good pictures, but that thing was magnificent.

Contestant #1

Salim Stoudamire, Reno Bighorns: Your first thought is probably something along the lines of "which of of my many servants granted this homeless fellow entry into out prestigious league of balls and baskets? Now, if you'll excuse me, I must bathe myself in the finest of caviar and regale my guests with fine imported wines and cheeses."

Your second thought (you bourgeois scum) is probably "That dude in is a serious rut." Still, a beard is a beard and I, personally, have to give him credit for his adherence to the hobo look. That thing screams "depression beard."

 

Contestant #2

Marvin Phillips, Fort Wayne Mad Ants: Now THIS is a man's look. Chiseled and intimidating (and also strangely fitting to the contours of his face), Marvin Phillips' goatee/almost handlebar combination calls to mind many a distinguished archduke of yesteryear, dueling any man foolish enough to oppose him. Either that or a riverboat captain. Either way, a man's man.

Not much else to say other that if he could extend the stache out a little more into a full handelbar, he'd get my vote for sure. Also my unconditional love. Respect, Marvin.

 

Contestant #3

Jerel McNeal, RGV Vipers: A fresh, properly manicured looks that looks part Deron Williams and part Carlos Boozer, but without the cheesy drawn on look both those bearded gents have become infamous for. Business-like and laser straight in it's precision, this beard, while not mind blowing, shows a solid dedication to the art of beard that more than warrants a spot on this list.

Jerel McNeal's beard looks like it knows exactly what it's here to do. And what it's here to do is drop 40 on you.

 

Contestant #4

Jeremy Wise, Bakersfield Jam: This look is more or less a combination of Aaron Brooks and Brandon Jennings, which oddly enough is more or less how J Wise plays.

Understandably, this is the sort of look that is temporary at best, and it didn't look like Mr. Wise was sporting this particular combo when I saw him during the Showcase. But this was simply too good to pass up. Also I really wanted to shoehorn in that Aaron Brooks/Brandon Jennings pseudo-joke. I am shameless and lame, I know.

 

Contestant #5

Brandon Wallace , Bakersfield Jam: Perhaps not the most apparent choice, but a intriguing one. Is it an Abe Lincoln beard? A neckbeard? Why is the upper lip so immaculately trimmed if the rest isn't? Why does it look like his beard is slowly consuming the rest of his face? And why does that sound so awesome? And why am I arbitrarily using so many question marks to mask my lack of a point?

 

Honorable Mention

Corey Allmond, Jeff Adrien, Derrick Byars, Courtney Sims, Doug Thomas

 

To err is Human. To grow a wicked beard afterward is pretty awesome.- Alexander Pope

Cosmis

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