In this, the first issue of NYMPP, I'd like to start with a bit of a prologue before diving into some straight-up-pimp-if-you-want-me-you-can-find-me-in-the-AY knowledge on these fools.  Scott and I, and therefore YOU, are tired of the same old player profiles you get from every site that, while they provide knowledge and insight to these players blahblahblah, bite me. It's gotten to the point in the draft process where everybody knows John Wall is good, everybody knows DeMarcus Cousins has some red flags, and everybody knows where we're going Oh yeah we're going down. So here at Ruhdickyoulus Upside, we decided to take a more, shall we say, Ridiculous route. See what I did there?

I will be judging these players based off 5 categories that will blow your statistical mind: Sinbad Memorial Skillset, UPSIDE, Feelings of Former School, Looks and A final surprise category that will be specific to each player, and most likely in bold font.

There will be no sort of cogent order or inherent logic to these profiles so leave your ego at the door, kick the hooker out of your apartment, and penguin suit up, for gentlemen and lady, this is Not Your Mom's Player Profiles....General Greivis Vasquez.

Let's dive right in, shall we? We shall.

Sinbad Memorial Skillset: A four-year stud at College Park, Vasquez displayed his unique skills each time out. A 6'6 point guard with point guard ability, the General is a big ol' question mark at the next level.  He's as streaky a shooter you'll ever see with about as much ability to beat his man off the dribble as this guy.  For a tall dude, he gambles way too much on defense and can't really stick anybody.  He's like that last deformed buffalo wing in the box; you may pretend that you're saving it because it's cool looking, but you're actually just not positive it's chicken. He's like that. For more on his skillz, check out my boy Tanner's profile on him from a few months back at Liberty Ballers.

UPSIDE: Being a senior with limited athleticism and quickness, there isn't much. But in a perfect world, he latches onto a system with great wing defenders and a shot-blocking big, develops a Chauncey Billups jumper, works the ball around seamlessly on the offensive end, and sticks at the point for a bunch of years.

Feelings of Former School: Thanks to Ben Broman at SB Nation's Maryland Blog, Testudo Times for sending me this via e-mail, as well as mentioning RU twice in this article -- You're my boy Benny.

There’s almost nothing bad I could say about Greivis Vasquez. He’s had his detractors at Maryland, especially early in his career, that thought he made too many "dumb mistakes" or took too many shots. But his senior campaign erased any holdouts. Vasquez is a strange combination - a natural point guard that stands 6-6 and was the primary scorer despite lacking athleticism – which might be why he’s been overlooked at the NBA level. I couldn’t honestly tell you if I think he’ll make the jump to the lig successfully (not my forte), but I can tell you that the combination worked flawlessly in college. What separates him from the crowd, though, is his passing ability and passion. His court vision is vastly underrated, and he’ll have at least one or two ridiculous passes a game. He’s sort of an extension of Gary Williams when it comes to his intensity and work ethic – Williams might be more positive when he speaks about Vasquez than he is when he talks about Juan Dixon. Not a lot of people in the NBA can match Vasquez in either of those traits night in and night out, which gives me hope for his NBA prospects.
 
Ultimately, when Maryland fans talk about Greivis’ potential in the NBA, we usually peg him as a backup guard that comes in when a team needs a scoring boost. Hopefully he can find his own niche and be successful; I think he will.

Looks - Ah, the important part. I gotta be honest, what GV lacks in muscle and odd facial hair/acne, he makes up tenfold in bemused facial expressions, intensity, and multiple arms. Being the generous professor I am, and a sucker for foreign accents, I'll pass him in the Looks department. Go get 'em chico.

*SURPRISE CATEGORY* Name if you switched the first letter from first and last names:

Vreivis Gasquez.  Win.

Next up: Stanley Robinson